The Norty Borderline

Check in with yourself using just two words. How are you doing today? Do it three times throughout the day, and use the space to illustrate your words to reflect the mood. Morning Motivated, Positive Midday Emotional, Blessed Evening Cranky, Pain  Isn't it amazing how by the end of your day, it can be turned around 180 degrees!! So this morning I was motivated and feeling really positive. By the end of today, I am cranky and in so much pain that I am almost about to lose my s**t! But I actually sat down and wrote in my journal for a few hours to try and get some of the frustrations out that I have and it actually felt good to write it all down. Cleansing in a way, I guess. I am trying to learn to write it down and once I have written it down, I am trying to learn to let it go. Yeah, just like Elsa sang! Ha-Ha! So maybe I need to write in there a bit more tonight, to try and get rid of some more frustrations.  I feel like I had a very productive day and now I am in...

Do you drink too much? What is the purpose of alcohol in your life? What amazing questions Kmart to ask the Norty Borderline! Ha-Ha! I'd like to say that Jack Daniels plays a pivotable part in my life. Ha-Ha! He's one of my best friends! Ha-Ha!  I do not drink every day and I am probably what is classed as a binge drinker. So I don't drink very often, but when I do I end up wiping myself out and there are many times where I am blacked out by the end of the night. That being said, I would have two big nights in one week maximum and even that is not normal, I can go months without drinking if I don't want to. I also don't drink a little amount and find that I can out drink most women and can keep up with the boys. My parents allowed me to drink from about 15 years old, as we grew up in a city and they didn't want me going to the nightclubs and not being able to handle my alcohol. Them doing that, has ended up being a very costly experience for me. It costs me more...

What makes your heart sing? There are a few things that make my heart sing.  Firstly, my family make my heart sing. Especially my daughter. She can drive me absolutely bat s**t crazy some days, but most days she makes my heart sing. Raising her is probably going to be my greatest achievement. Hearing her voice can brighten my day, even if she is being psychotic like her mother! Ha-Ha! She looks nothing like me (she is all her Daddy) but oh my lord is she me in personality. And I can tell you that sometimes that is a recipe for disaster. Ha-Ha! She has also been my reason why I am still here today.  My niece also makes my heart sing. She told me the most beautiful thing a few months ago. She has 6 aunties all up and I am her favourite!! Oh my heart was singing that day I can tell you!! I literally couldn't take the smile off my face all day!! She is a very sweet child, but she loves to spend time with Aunty and she tells me that she misses me all the time, so I know how much sh...

How easy is it for you to say no? For myself, I struggle to say to nearly every single person that I come across in my life. I guess you would call me a people pleaser, who also says what she thinks.  I think that the BPD may play a bit of a part in that though.  Ever since I was a little girl I was taught that I should try and help others when I possibly can, even if it means giving the person my last dollar. I can say that doing this has f**ked me up financially more times than I can count! And I truly have tried extremely hard to help every single person that has asked me for help. But lately I am starting to feel like I am just a sucker when it comes to particular people and helping them. It seems like the friendships are very one sided and I seem to be the one always doing the work.  I do know that I have to learn to start saying no, and I am slowly doing it. I am noticing that I am not hearing from particular people, because I am saying no and not jumping to their e...

Unsure of source of image. So I had to have a look at what self-care Sunday actually is. Basically it is doing all those self-care things on a Sunday.  Do I do self-care Sunday? Not currently, no. It is an idea that I would like to try though. My Sunday today including taking a 3 hour nap. Is napping self-care? Ha-Ha! I know that I need to start looking after myself better, but given my current living situation, not much self-care is happening. I seem to be having more pain and seem to be doing a lot more than what I had to do with my own child. So yeah, I'm tired. So maybe the nap today was some self-care? I did dye my hair this morning, so I guess that was another self-care item done.  I am thinking of having a bath tonight, so that might also be classed as self-care because I love to lay back and just soak in the water. I absolutely love to have a bath, especially a bubble bath with someone rubbing my shoulders. Ha-Ha!  Here are some suggestions from Google on self-car...

                                                                Linkin Park Should've stayed, were there signs, I ignored? Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore? We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep There are things that we can have, but can't keep If they say Who cares if one more light goes out? In a sky of a million stars It flickers, flickers Who cares when someone's time runs out? If a moment is all we are We're quicker, quicker Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do The reminders pull the floor from your feet In the kitchen, one more chair than you need oh And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it, isn't there If they say Who cares if one more light goes out? In a sky of a million stars It flickers, flickers Wh...

Alright, so I am an Aussie and we have what I would call very strict gun laws compared to our friends over the ocean in the USA. There has been a massive amount of school shootings and mass shootings in the USA this year alone. As of today the statistics for school shootings this year in the USA are 27. It is only May! That is 5 a month! I am probably going to cop a lot of heat from my US counterparts, but something has to be done! These school and mass shootings can not continue! Too many innocent people, including children are losing their lives when they should be safe! Children should not be going to school and being fearful that they are going to be shot and killed! That is NOT RIGHT! I understand that it is a US citizens right to 'protect' themselves, however a lot of these mass shootings and school shootings are being committed by children and teenagers. My first question is 'how in the hell is a child or teenager getting a hold of an AK-47?' I think that yes, if...

What is that one task that you dread doing at the end of the day?  For me, even though I love my dogs dearly, it would be feeding them. I'm normally in so much pain by the time I am due to feed them, that it is such an effort! Some nights it feels like my arms aren't strong enough to even hold the food, let alone prepare it for them. And when you own a 55kg (121 pounds) dog. He eats quite a bit, let me tell you!! So his bowl can get quite heavy by the time that I give it to him. That being said, I love him beyond words and I will take any pain, just to ensure he is fed every day.  I probably should do it in the mornings, but if I have appointments on then I get even more rushed and then I am anxious, so it is probably not a good idea.  My dogs also know exactly when their dinner time is and my little girl will whine from about 5:15pm until I feed them at 5:30pm. My little girl must think that I am the meanest fur Mummy ever for making her wait a whole 15 minutes for ...

That one time I shat myself.. And of course my sweet, sweet child had to witness it. She was only about 7 at the time and I did pray that she wouldn’t remember.. She remembers every single second of how I s**t myself!! S**t!! Well, it literally was s**t! Lol As I have said before I was a single Mum to my daughter, who is now 22. She is a great kid and has my extremely warped and dark sense of humour. Oh and my sarcasm! LOL Anyway, so we had to go down town (we lived in a regional town in NSW, Australia) and we are heading home. Now I have always had some issues with my belly and even had some testing done. That being said, we are about 5 minutes from home and we are sitting at the lights near a service station and the local hospital. I am in the left lane and probably about 6 cars back from the lights. We have the stereo going as I need music (especially in the car) and I get the pain in my belly that I know is not good. Anyway I actually did think that it was just a fart. So I decided...

How do you prepare for sleep? List five things you do to unwind at the end of the day. 1. Play games on my phone. It’s probably not a great way to unwind, but it does get me to slow down and actually sit. Being that I’m also OCD, I’m continually trying to clean or make things tidier. So when I finally do sit down with my phone and play games, it means I’m done for the night. 2. Have a cup of tea. I love English Breakfast tea. Don’t give me an earl grey. Eew!! HA-HA! Tea just relaxes me. Plus it’s apparently good for me. Winning!! Lol 3. Watch TV but normally disassociate at the same time. Lol got to love being a borderline. Lol I struggle to sit for long periods and watch TV, especially a movie. I usually have to pause a movie and come back to it 3 or 4 times as I just don’t have the attention span to watch a movie fully. 4. Have a bath. I love having baths, except I seem to always make them way too hot and it almost becomes a sauna for me. Lol I also enjoy to read in the bath as my mi...

So seen as though I am an Aussie, I thought I would do a blog post on all the foods that we eat over here, that others may find unusual. Please comment if you are an Aussie and you feel I have left something out, or if you are from another country and you want to know about a particular food, please ask! So obviously I had to do a bit of research when do this blog post and even the first thing that I looked up to get a bit of information (Aussie biscuits) I discovered that my American friends don't call a biscuit like we do. So I looked and my American friends call a biscuit to what us Aussies call a scone. So we have scones with jam and cream or like me with butter or margarine and we normally also have them with a cup of tea or coffee. My Grandmother makes scones with 3 ingredients and they are so light and fluffy, and I absolutely love them! But anyway back to Aussie biscuits. So what we call a biscuit, is actually a cracker or a cookie in the USA. Most of our biscuits are sweet...

Rainbow Ice Cream From An Ice Cream Parlour - Photography The Norty Borderline Ok, so since I was a little girl one of my Dad's favourite things to do was to take us to a ice cream parlour. Especially if we were travelling somewhere and we had never been to that one before. So I have a love of going to an ice cream parlour. And 9 times out of 10, still to this day I get a rainbow ice cream. (I'm not sure if my American friends have rainbow ice cream over there and it is the same flavour and colours as ours, so I am including photos for all you guys). Anyway, I have always wondered what the actual flavour of the rainbow ice cream is, because it has the colours of the rainbow in it. It is just one of those things that you think about while you are eating it, but never actually try and find out, you are just enjoying it that much. It is like the moment that you get handed that ice cream, you have to start licking it. Plus I live in Australia, so our temperatures over here are no...

  What keeps you awake at night? What do you regularly dream about? How would you rate the quality of your sleep? What three things can you do to improve it (if you need to)? What keeps me awake at night? I think that might be one of the silliest questions to ask someone with Borderline Personality Disorder... HA-HA! I am an overthinker and seem to do most of my 'overthinking' later at night. So I am lucky that I have explained this to my mental health team and I am on a medication that helps with my moods and I take it at night, so it sedates me. So I am going to sleep about an hour and a half after I take the medication and it sedates me enough that I fall asleep and don't think. I think the most that I think about is going to sleep. It has been a rather problematic symptom for me since I was in my teenage years, so I am glad that my mental health team are helping me with the symptoms I feel are the worst. And insomnia and overthinking just seem to overlap for me. I love ...

OMG!! Photos of this place just came up on my laptop screen and I have to go there!! It truly looks amazing!! It is definitely a bucket list item! I'm including some photos, so you can see why I am mesmorized by this place. I just posted a blog about walking and how I love to walk along the beach. Oh I would so love to walk along the beaches at Saint Bathelemy! The water looks crystal clear and the sand so yellow! And the scenery around the beaches looks amazing to walk around as well!! Oh please take me there right now! I obviously had to Google it once I seen a photo of the place and now I have learned some new things for the day. (My Grandmother taught me that if I was still learning new things every day that my brain is still working.) Anyway, I now know that it is in the Caribbean and is under French rule. I also know now that the capital is Gustavia and that they speak mainly French and most of the cuisine and culture is French. Oh, now I really want to go there!! Although I ...

Do you walk a lot? Do you find that walking is good for your mental health? I find that if it is a beautiful sunny day, then I want to walk somewhere. It doesn't matter where I am walking to, I just want to get out in the sunshine and get the blood pumping a little bit. I find that walking is extremely good for my mental health. Some days I put my AirPods in and ignore the world and others days, I am happy to chat to anyone that comes my way. And believe me I can chat, so somedays I ended nearly finding out someones life story. But I always try and listen, because sometimes that is all a person needs, is for someone to listen. I find feeling the sun on my skin makes me feel happier and I seem to smile a lot more when it is warmer weather. Do you walk rain, hail or shine? I don't really like to walk in the rain, but it is not so bad where I live now as it is a warmer climate and so when you get wet, it really doesn't matter too much. It also seems that the longer that I do g...

 <!-- wp:paragraph --> The way you're bathed in light Reminds me of that night God laid me down into your rose garden of trust And I was swept away With nothin' left to say Some helpless fool Yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace You're all I need to find So when the time is right Come to me sweetly, come to me Come to me Love will lead us, alright Love will lead us, she will lead us Can you hear the dolphin's cry? See the road rise up to meet us It's in the air we breathe tonight Love will lead us, she will lead us Oh yeah, we meet again It's like we never left Time in between was just a dream Did we leave this place? This crazy fog surrounds me You wrap your legs around me All I can do to try and breathe Let me breathe so that I So we can go together! Love will lead us, alright Love will lead us, she will lead us Can you hear the dolphin's cry? See the road rise up to meet us It's in the air we breathe tonight Love will lead us, she will lead us Li...

What's the best part of your morning routine? List five things you do first thing in the morning. 1. My cup of tea!! 2. Hope people are not going to be talking to me. HA-HA! 3. Have a cigarette with my cup of tea 4. Listen to the birds, while I have my cigarette and cup of tea.  5. Enjoy the sunshine if it is out. I think my favourite part of my morning routine is the cup of tea and cigarette. I get to pat my dogs and enjoy the sunshine at the same time. I know that I shouldn't be smoking, but oh well that is my choice. LOL I'm currently not working, so I am not in a rush most mornings, which I must say is quite nice, given my MH issues and the stress that it causes me. Do you have a morning routine? If so, what do you do in the mornings? I'd love to hear so we can see the differences. :) The Norty Borderline

I woke up this morning and came out of my room to make myself a cup of tea and the kids were so loud (it hurts my ears they are that loud and even this morning I was putting my hands over my ears to try block some of it out) and it was a struggle to make my cup of tea because of my nerve pain. I also take my nerve pain medication in the morning and in the evenings. And I take my morning medications with my cup of tea. Anyway, so I am went to the toilet while the kettle is boiling and I have to step over one dog shit that was outside of child 1's bedroom. Now look, this dog is not mine and I have to go out into the backyard and pick up all my dogs shit, so that they mower man is not mowing up large amounts of dog shit. So I don't feel that I should have to clean up after my dogs and then have to clean up after my housemates dog as well. Anyway so I step over the dog shit and go to the toilet, trying real hard not to vomit because the smell was pretty bad and it wasn't coming...

What activities bring you joy? Which people bring you joy? What is hands down the most fun you've ever had? What's the most spontaneous thing you have ever done? I find that a lot of different activities bring me joy. The things that I enjoy most would be disassociating (I can't help that, I'm Borderline.. HA-HA! And who doesn't enjoy a good daydream?! HA-HA!). I like to read, but I find that because of my mental health issues, I really do struggle to sit down and read a book for any longer than about 5-10 minutes. I used to be able to read a lot better also when I didn't have a mobile phone. So I do think that technology has played a major part in that. It seems that I read a couple of pages and then my phone goes off with a notification and so then I look at my phone. I think that I need to start silencing my phone a bit more often and just checking it say every half an hour to an hour. What would you do if you were me? I love to do colour in, but I find that ...

Are there things that your parents did and you now do.. And you have no idea why?!  My housemate asked me the other day why when I cook my toast that I squish it down after I have cooked it. I literally had to stand there and think about why I even do it. She did say that she has never seen anyone else ever do it, so it must be unusual I guess. But the reason that I squish my toast down after I have cooked it is because my Mum does it. I have no idea why she does it and I am going to have to ask her now! I also do things that my Grandmother taught me too. So I always put a coin in a purse or handbag when it is a gift and I never put shoes on a table or open an umbrella inside. I think I went to put a new pair of shoes (that were still in the box and in a bag) and she pulled them straight off, quite fiercely so I have never done it since then. She wasn't rude to me about it, I just knew that I shouldn't do it in front of her ever again. Do you do things that your parents do? Or ...

What is it with people and only thinking about themselves?! I don't know if it is pure narcissism or they are self centred, but all I hear about lately is how bad people have it and how everything revolves around them. I personally feel that yes, we should speak openly about our problems, but it gets to a point where it begins to feel like it is a one way street and all I seem to hear about is how bad these people have it. Hence one reason why I have started this blog. I need to get this s**t out!! LOL Some days it feels like people think it is a competition on how hard they have it and how hard their life is. Um, we all have parts of our lives that are hard for each and every one of us. I feel that not one part of our lives should be considered a competition. We should only be competing against each other say in a sports event etc. Not comparing and competing against each other, especially in our social lives. Which brings me to the point of social media playing a major part in th...

Why are people lazy? What causes a person who claims to want to help the environment and recycle and do all these things so that we are protecting environment, but will drive around for 5 minutes looking for a car park close enough so they don't have to walk far? That doesn't make sense to me! So you do understand that by running your car for that extra 5 minutes is affecting the environment right?! Your car is blowing pollutants into the air and you would still rather not walk?! Shaking my head! I'd rather find a car park that is further away than drive around for 5 minutes looking for a closer park. Um, you do know that exercise is good for you right?!  I have always enjoyed walking and just being out in the fresh air and it makes me feel really good after I have been for a walk. I don't power walk, I walk at a steady pace (lately it has been how fast my Staffy wants to pull me as she is learning how to walk at the moment) and I barely even break out in a sweat. As I ...

Hey, oh Sheets of empty canvas Untouched sheets of clay Were laid spread out before me As her body once did All five horizons Revolved around her soul As the earth to the sun Now the air I tasted and breathed Has taken a turn Oh and all I taught her was everything Oh I know she gave me all that she wore And now my bitter hands Chafe beneath the clouds Of what was everything Oh the pictures have All been washed in black Tattooed everything I take a walk outside I'm surrounded by Some kids at play I can feel their laughter So why do I sear Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin Round my head I'm spinning Oh, I'm spinning How quick the sun can, drop away And now my bitter hands Cradle broken glass Of what was everything All the pictures have All been washed in black Tattooed everything All the love gone bad Turned my world to black Tattooed all I see All that I am All that I'll be, yeah Uh huh, uh huh, oh I know someday you'll have a beautiful life I know you'll be a s...

OMG!! I was standing in line this evening at the local pub waiting to order our meals. Anyway I am making sure that I am staying further enough behind the lady in front of me because of social distancing. I'm standing there for a minute or so and then I could almost feel breath on me or I could hear the breathing. So I turn around there is a woman older than myself standing about 20-30 centimetres away from me! Are you f**king deadset lady?! I could almost smell her breath on me and it was of alcohol! Lady, you are not socially distancing with a borderline who also has other mental health issues including social anxiety. Oh and I also have had my 3rd booster and so far have been lucky enough to not have had Covid!! Can you please back the f**k up?! The borderline in me wanted to turn around and say "Can you please move?", but the niceness in me thought, just breathe and shut your mouth!! Luckily the lady taking the meal orders was working extremely quickly and I got to th...

This is the opening quote to the Kmart journal that I bought. So I thought I would do a blog on why keeping a journal can really help. Whether it be a blog that no one else see or a paper journal I personally feel that keeping a journal is great for ones mental health. Sometimes all you need to do is just get it out. And you may feel that there is absolutely no one that you could say the things you want to, so you put it in a journal. Hence, sometimes only paper will listen to you.  I have kept mainly journals over my life, but I always seem to end up not finishing the book or my life gets too busy and I forget about writing in it and then I find it 5 years later and have already started probably another 2! LOL I have started a new journal in the past month and would you believe that I actually think that I may actually finish the journal!! Wowsers! And I do think that it has been really quite therapeutic and good for my mental health and my relationships with friends etc. I found ...

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In one of my previous blogs I mentioned a Kmart journal that I had bought myself. It has a great concept and the idea is to get to know yourself better, connect with your soul purpose and to live your best life. So it isn't a blank journal in which you can write in like a normal journal. This has thought provoking questions in which you can answer. You don't have to begin at the start of the journal, you can pick any question that you feel you can answer. I am going to include some photos of the journal so you can actually see what I am describing. I paid $9 AUD and I will say that I do think it is working for me and it is getting me to think about my life and the way in which I want to live it. So that all being said, I thought what I would do is actually pick some of the questions out of it and actually write my responses in a blog. So here goes. Your Inspirations What was the last great book you read (or movie you watched) and what did you learn from it? Is there a piece of ...