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The One Time.....

That one time I shat myself.. And of course my sweet, sweet child had to witness it. She was only about 7 at the time and I did pray that she wouldn’t remember.. She remembers every single second of how I s**t myself!! S**t!! Well, it literally was s**t! Lol As I have said before I was a single Mum to my daughter, who is now 22. She is a great kid and has my extremely warped and dark sense of humour. Oh and my sarcasm! LOL

Anyway, so we had to go down town (we lived in a regional town in NSW, Australia) and we are heading home. Now I have always had some issues with my belly and even had some testing done. That being said, we are about 5 minutes from home and we are sitting at the lights near a service station and the local hospital. I am in the left lane and probably about 6 cars back from the lights. We have the stereo going as I need music (especially in the car) and I get the pain in my belly that I know is not good. Anyway I actually did think that it was just a fart. So I decided that I would just let this fart rip. But it wasn't a fart... It was nothing but runny s**t!! All in my underwear and in my favourite Adidas pants. It was so warm and disgusting!! Anyway, my daughter has realised what has happened and she can't help but be a bit concerned and after she asks me if I am ok (which clearly I am not the f**k ok! HAHAHA) she then proceeds to put her head back and start laughing. And not just a little HA-HA. It was a full almost wetting herself laughing at me!!

Now as I mentioned there was a service station and we were in the left lane. To access the service station, I had to be in the right lane, to turn right as there was no entrance from past the lights on our side due to a concrete median. So basically I have to make the choice to drive home which is about a 5 minute drive with warm, runny s**t in my pants or try to do a U-Turn further up and go to the service station (which clearly would have been mortifying), so I chose home. As I said, my sweet, sweet child proceeded to laugh herself silly the whole five minute trip home.

Once we pull into the drive way my sweet, sweet child looks at me and says "How are you going to do this?" And yet again, proceeds to laugh herself silly!! My response was "I'm going inside to get these pants and s**t off me!!" This causes said sweet child to laugh even harder. But I don't even think the worst part of actually sh***ing myself was that I shit myself. It was when I got out of the car!! The s**t literally ran down my legs and my pants and I had runny s**t actually come out on to the drive way and down my favourite adidas pants. Sweet child is now almost in tears with laughter.

We get inside and I am literally straight into the bathroom (grabbing a towel from the linen cupboard on the way) and I am in the shower!! All while my sweet child is still laughing at me! I had to get the s**t off me!! Once I got out of the shower, I had to make the decision... Wash my absolute favourite pair of Adidas pants and underwear or just throw them out. I had to throw them out. I just wasn't going to be able to wear them without thinking about that time that I s**t myself. Plus I didn't want to constantly remind my sweet, sweet child of the time that I s**t myself.

About 4 years ago, I am having some drinks with my sweet, sweet child (she was 18 and she is legally allowed to consume alcohol over here) and she looks me dead in the eye and says deadpan serious "Do you remember the time that you s**t yourself?" I couldn't help but say "Well how the f**k could I forget that?" HA-HA She then proceeded to laugh exactly like she did the day that I s**t myself. HA-HA

Have you ever had an experience like this? Or where your child has remembered something embarrassing you did? I'd love to hear your stories!!

The Norty Borderline.

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