At what point does it become enough for a mother to walk away from her child? I know that we should love our children unconditionally, but does it ever get to a point where you must decide that it is for the best to give your child some 'tough love'? Or to protect your mental health and other loved one’s mental health as well? I think that even though we don't want to ever think of having to give our children the tough love that they sometimes need.
I have been witnessing a lot of bad behaviours by children (my daughter can be a b**ch, but at the end of the day she is an amazing person, and she is a good citizen within her community), and I am completely mind blown as to why we are allowing these children to display these behaviours without any serious consequences? From the justice system to parenting, I feel that these children are being failed. I also believe that they need discipline. Most of us ‘elders’, received discipline as children and most of us are not going around assaulting our elders and wrecking chaos on our society.
The child that I will be discussing is known to police and has a violent history from the age of 14 including intimidation and assaults. This child has also been in the juvenile justice system since around the age of 13.
The mother of this child is continually trying to make excuses for his bad behaviours, and I am starting to question when she is going to stop enabling him all the time and admit that he is a sh**ty person currently!! She also blames her other child for things he hasn't done because she believes the eldest son over the youngest one. She also says that the youngest child is always making things out worse than they seem. Umm, I have stayed in the house with both children, and I can honestly say that the youngest child is not making crap up! The s**t that is going on in that house is true. Any assistance she is offered to try and help both children is met with excuses as to why it can’t be done.
I truly believe even at the age this child is at, that he will not be a productive member of our society. This child has been doing crack since he was 14 and when he isn't doing that, he is considered a good boy. But he then acts up and rages (puts holes in walls) and assaults people. So just because he isn't doing crack, does not mean that he is doing well in any way, shape or form. You do not go around raging at people and assaulting people and still get to be considered doing well!! Mind blown on that one.
The police have been called to the residence that many times that I cannot use two hands to count how many. Does she not find that embarrassing? Because I know that if that was me, once we got to about 5-6 times of the police being called, I would have said to him that he needs to leave and find somewhere else to live. I went and seen her a couple of months ago and while she was out with me, she gets a message saying that the police were there yet again and said it was like the 12th time that they had been there. And this was months ago, and things have progressively gotten worse since then.
My friend has now had to move out of the place they were living and couldn’t understand why the owners would sell the house. I did try to explain to her that with all the police attendance and all the neighbours complaining to her real estate, did the owners really have much option? She hasn’t really spoken to me since, because I told her what I believe are to be some ‘home truths’ regarding her eldest son. I am unsure whether she has had to move back to the regional area we are from or if she found herself somewhere to stay up here. I am glad that my place is too small for her to stay here as I do believe that she has ‘lost the plot’ again and I want inner peace and know that by having her stay here, I would most definitely not get any peace at all. When I went there a couple of weeks ago to get my stuff, I went into the house to use the toilet and the smell of tobacco hit me the moment I walked in the door and then when I saw all the holes that had been patched up in the house, I was absolutely mortified! My child knows that you don’t punch holes in walls and cause damage to a house that you are renting!! The worst my daughter ever did was spill drinks on the carpet and that’s an easy fix if you clean it up straight away. But this house was absolutely trashed. There is no way that she will now get her bond back and I would also assume that she will get a bill on top for things that need to be done. It needs the whole house re-plastered and then possibly new carpet throughout the whole house too. That is not going to be a cheap fix that is for sure!
So back to my original question in a way. I am wondering at what point this mother is going to understand that you can love your child unconditionally, but you don't have to tolerate all their bad behaviours?
If it was your child, how would you react or how do you think you would handle this child? Would you continue to enable his bad behaviours, or would you give him some ‘tough love’?
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